I've kinda been on autopilot for the last month or so and I truthfully can't tell you what that means specifically. I guess I felt as if I was on a high and new eventually I'd have to hit reality.
I don't really have any idea of what this post is or going to be like I'm just free writing, letting my mind just wonder.
Lets say a month ago I wasn't planning and intending to meet anyone, and certainly not meaning to date anyone. I had been so closed off from everything for a really long time because of getting hurt. I can't say I'm completely hurt now, because that would be a lie. I guess I'm more shocked or butt-hurt of how words can be used but not necessarily meant.
It honestly amazes me how words can be used, changed and altered so quickly, smoothly and effortlessly. It's as if words are used because you want to believe they're true but in reality they just sound pretty to the ear, head and heart.
I realize that things change, circumstances change, finding oneself and working for things are important, I just don't understand that sudden shift or that gradual distance appearing. I get schedules and being busy. If those words meant anything that they would stand to be true despite of schedules and no time. There's always time you can find to tell someone you care, how much you care for them if you're willing to.
It was only a month so nothing drastic happened and even though there was some form of emotions and feelings I can't say I was ever consumed with them. I know I could have been if things continued but no one can handle hot one minute and cold the next four days. That's just not fair.
One thing I do appreciate is honestly. Even though I had to work to bring out the honesty I still appreciated it because I don't like to have my mind wonder... but still. I'm a mid-twenty female, of course my mind wandered and still does.
I think the purpose of this post is to watch those little meaningful words that become meaningless and untrue over time. I have an email full of meaningful-less words that I just can't simply erase because for a really long time I wanted to hear and feel those words. I guess ultimitly it was just bad timing. Perfect guy, just not perfect time.
I wish him all the best.
I hope that made some form of sense.