I know that sometimes we can get discouraged if something we want takes longer than what we plan for.
We have to realize that everything good in life, that's worth having takes time to develop and create itself. It's like riding a bike, you had to go through the steps and process of the training wheels and falling off a couple times, being completely scared of falling before you actually got the hang of it.
We have to learn and be okay with not everything we want is going to come to us at the time we want it. Our time may not be the right time for us... and sometimes we have to go by what our Father God or any higher power that you believe in wants for you.
Don't get boggled down or discouraged, things that are meant for you will come and happen for you. Just allow yourself to be open to the time it takes and enjoy the ride. It'll be worth it in the end.
Doors open and such for so many reasons it's not even funny. But it's like that saying, "when one door shuts another door open or a window gets cracked."
Something you wanted or an opportunity you were longing for just closed.
Step into your kitchen for a second, first you have a walkway you enter and go through to get to your kitchen, then look around at all the doors you have that are there to be opened. You have the pantry, all the cabinets, fridge, freezer, oven, ect. These are are hypothetical doors. You're literally surrounded but dozens of doors that you didn't even know of.
My point is this, when you think one door is closing or closed itself on you, realize that another door is right in front of you, or besides you.
Don't put your sole focus on the doors that are behind, that's now closed but instead, be grateful that it's closed so now you can move forward and begin to open the other doors at your reach.
I have a very small close-nit group of girlfriends and these girls I consider all my sisters since I have no actual siblings. One of them in-fact, is my Sorority sister from Ole Miss. Jacque (Jack) we I had this immediate bond and became best friends so quickley. If it wasn't for her I would have gone into another sorority. Who knew four years ago we'd be tested with life in general.
Me and Jacque I guess you would say were the "basic" sorority girls, except we never looked down upon others or made others feel less of themselves like some sorority girls do. But we did have it all... or should I say "our version" of it all... money, grades, good looks, the best major, football friends, popularity with Sigma Chi and SAE guys basically everything a standard Ole Miss girl wants.
Flash forward to today, four years later and everything is so different.
Just this past year and a half we've both been through our version of hell and back. I'm a firm believer in, "God puts friends in your life who will be willing to go through dark waters and times with you." Jacque has been my right hand girl and I hers. Not to say my other girlfriends haven't been there for me or us and some have had their small tests and challenges in different ways, probably one aspects of their lives, unlike me and Jacque where everything has been a struggle or a spiritual battle.
Jacque has always been strong within her faith. I remember she would always go to church on Sunday, she would ask me to go with her and I'd go... if I hadn't gone out the night before. Yes, I did indeed go through my party phase... I went to Ole Miss... I think it was a right of passage for me. While I wouldn't go to church every given Sunday, I still had faith and love in Father God, but I held other things more important to him. I basically saw him has this intangible thing that I knew I needed to believe in and didn't get the full meaning of being completely vested in your faith until things in my life got shake and I needed something bigger than me to trust and love.
Today Jacque's mom, Mrs. Anne, (who's basically my second mom) tells us that we should never put an object before God. That he should come first and everything else follows. That if we put him second we will be tested until we realize that he is the most important thing.
I'm not here to tell you to love God and that you need to stop what you're doing and get on your hands and knees to pray, because I truthfully can't stand those people who push their religious opinion onto someone else... BUT, I will say what Mrs. Anne said does shed light and clarity onto a lot of things.
I haven't really said much of what's gone on in my life the past couple of years and I probably won't get into it until I finally publish my book and start actually speaking to crowds to motivate them, but I can say it has been a struggle.
I used to be the girl every one was jealous of (I know this because someone I knew told me she was jealous of me in plain conversation), the girl everyone thought had it all: the great family, the girl who's grandparents would step up if mom or dad refused to do something, the wealthy daddy, popular Mississippi status boyfriend, nice clothes and accessories, and for a long time I prided myself on those things. It was like I wasn't superficial but I was. And truthfully, even though going through this experience and loosing things has sucked, I truthfully wouldn't change the knowledge I've gained for anything. I can say at this age I've become wise on life.
Jacque told me today that she needed this to happen, that she needed to be tested in her life to bring her closer within her faith and herself. She's been trying for a while to get a specific score on the LSAT and she has accomplished it. But she felt that she wasn't ready mentally for law school (law school can be a scary thing). At first she kinda hated that she had to move back home and live at home with her parents, but if she hadn't, she wouldn't have felt the pain and suffering of her family situation to move ahead with her life. She wouldn't have become stronger and she wouldn't have opened up her heart more to love.
She said today that we should feel blessed to be going through these experiences at a young age rather than later in life. I couldn't agree more with her. I would rather have all four side crumbling down at my feet now than to live my version of "perfect" and not be able to deal or handle it down the road.
I guess what I'm saying is this, we all go through crap. Some of us have to face it alone while others like me and Jacque can use each others positivity to move forward and ahead. I'm blessed to have Jack as my sister. I see her out among people and she still radiates this spark even with everything that's going on in her life. She doesn't let what's happening dim her sparkle.
I will never forget what she has told me in the past, "no one can ever dim your sparkle because your have glitter in your veins and diamonds in your heart." She lives by that and today was proof of it. Making friends with everyone she came in contact with.
It kills me to have to see my best friend having to settle for something in the mean time because she is more than this, but we all have our time to put our pride aside and just live.
To my best friend,
Thank you for showing me how to live a life of sparkle. No will will ever dim yours because you have glitter that runs through your veins and diamonds in your heart.
How can you feed your soul and not your ego?
What steps need to be taken in order to feed your soul?
These are are important questions we all need to ask ourselves.
I know we're all human and our pride gets the better of us sometimes but we truly have to move away from being egotistical to being more focused on doing things for our soul.
Today I challenge you to do something you love but aren't that great at doing.
Do something that you're not fully comfortable with, that you're not sooo good at.
That is when you feed your soul and not your ego.
I was jogging on the treadmill this morning at the gym and I always watch Lifetime. They had this commercial about one of the new gymnasts that's representing the U.S. and competing in Rio for this years Olympics.
The commercial started as a little girl with her mom in a small, somewhat rundown home. In the far distance you can see that a tornado is approaching their home rapidly. They we're getting into the storm shelter underground and the girl was just watching the tornado get closer and closer until she went inside the shelter. We know from the context of the commercial that some form of damage must have hit their home. It flashes forward to when she is completing to qualify for a spot on the U.S. gymnastics team. That same attentiveness she gave the tornado as a little girl she gave to the uneven bars before she began. It finally shows her on there and her final dismount and running to her mom, gives her a big hug and kiss as she waits for her results to come in and with her score, she qualifies for Rio.
The end of the commercial said, "strong situations create strong results." Turns out, it was actually a Bounty commercial... finally something positive and uplifting as a commercial.
At this point I'm still jogging and I thinking to myself, the greatest form of achievements come from that hardest sacrifices we as individuals go through in life. If we can over come those we're champions in our own right, just like the girl in the commercial.
I know we all have challenges and set backs that come bombarding us at inconvenient times, but we must always remember that, "strong situations create strong results."
When something unexpectedly hits you instead of asking yourself "why is this happening" ask "how is this going to make me better and how will I feel when I overcome this." Focus all of your senses on the positive and you'll see that what you're going through even though may suck, you'll get to the other side of it in one pice.
This weekend for me has been one surely for the books with some much love and gratitude towards life.
My boyfriend (yes, finally the Universe gave me one who can handle me, thank goodness who's the most wonderful human in existence) moved out of his place where he was staying for a few weeks until he moved in with his roommates.
He told me that he would get the bags from upstairs and put it in his car that all I needed to do was "chit chat" with the family he was staying with. Chit chat is surely one of my specialties... I'll talk to anyone about anything for hours.
I was asked by the family who was really interested and intrigued to know about my book. Honestly, they were the fourth person who I've ever told my book about to. Of course the first were my parents, my editor, Daniel and now them. It was a question that I don't usually hear and one I haven't had an answer to for a while.
They asked, "what is your book about and what gave you the motivation to write it?" Along with, "what sources are you using to write your book?" For a second I was kinda flustered, no one has ever truly shown much interest and I usually just keep that I'm writing a book quiet.
As many of you know, I am writing a book. I've only started about five times and my favorite key to use is the "delete" one but FINALLY (praise Jesus himself) I have something I'm happy with writing and can see others reading, learning and enjoying.
Most of you know it's a motivational book, My "Prologue" is in my post history (check it out if you're curious) but it covers everything a teen to young adult goes through. Love and relationships to friends and family, money, education and career to finally life in general. It's a quick overview of how to do life when life in those aspects get hard and we don't know what to do or who to turn to. It's an outlet for those who have no one they can relay on.
My motivation and sources for this book is a little different, out of the box. I'm using my own personal experiences to write this book.
I know what you're thinking... maybe even saying out loud, "you're twenty-five, how do you have all these experiences about all these different things at a young age?"
Trust me, I asked myself that very same question.
I've been blessed by life to have the opportunities to combat and defeat many different obstacles so far in my life. Basically, to learn how to deal.
I know about love because I've felt it, lost and wondered why. What happened and what caused it. I was able to take a step back when the tears and anger cleared to realize what went wrong and I share those experiences. I also share what I've seen from friends (leaving the name anonymously, you wouldn't know how many legal documents that involves if I said their actual name.)
I know about friends because I've dealt with friends who have been users and abusers, who only want you for the size of your wallet and for their chance to climb the social ladder, so I talk about it. I talk about how their influence is strong and important and how peer pressure is real. Along with friends making or breaking you by the decisions they help you make indirectly.
I know about family because I've been tested with my own family. When it's been time to step up and be there for me when literally shit hit the fan but most of them backed away, judged or criticized.
I know about money because I've been tested with it. My God have I been tested, my whole family has been tested off and on for several years. Money is important but it's just a mean. There are several hundreds, no thousands, of individual who have and are having issues with money. I write about it because I know how it feels to go from having millions, a cushy lifestyle to having to seriously cutting back because everything is in question and trying to work hard again to regain it back with your own sweat and relaying on only faith and prayer to help you and your family with money in the savings account to invest it in a risky business endeavor that paid off.
I write about career, education and life because I've dealt with school, I know how it feels to be in college. How draining, self-deprecating and stressful your classes can be. How everything gets questioned... you even question yourself for questioning yourself. I know about career because that's what I'm working towards, a career and how many steps you have to take to get there.
You can't write and communicate with those facing trials and tribulations if you haven't been there yourself. If you haven't shed the tears or felt the pressure. But I have. I write what I know and how I felt and what got me through. I could give you scenario after scenario of my trails and tribulations and what got me out of it... looking only forward, never behind, only focusing on faith, trust and motivation.
I write to inspire. If I can reach the heart of one person going through something similar, I did my job.
That's why I'm writing. That's my purpose in life, to help inspire those who need or are lacking inspiration. Who feel like they have all these things coming their way and need to hear from an outside source that it's going to be okay because someone else has been there.
I mentioned this before in in my "Independence Day Fiasco" post about knowing who you are. I just kinda touched base on it since it was relative to how I was feeling and the situation that played out.
One of my favorite authors, Diana Anthills in her Sanity is Sexy book mentions that, "words or actions directed towards you by others is a reflection of their inner thoughts, insecurities and turmoil. It has nothing to do with you. You have simply triggered someone else's experience. What makes you different from them is how you choose to present yourself to the world."
You can't change how people view you. The only thing you can change and have complete power over is how you view yourself. Knowing who you are can be the strongest weapon you hold. No one will ever be able to get you down if you know who you are. They can try all they want but they will be unsuccessful in doing so each time.
Ask yourself if you really know who are? If you can completely defend yourself to anyone who comes questioning you.
If you can do so, stand firm and tall because that's an amazing quality to have and you should hold yourself to the highest esteem because it takes people several years do be okay and to be accepting of who they are.
Today's post is going to be kept short sweet and to the point.
Truth or dare? I dare you you to pick dare and to dream something bigger that you. To dream something thats so bing you think it's unreachable and intangible.
This isn't a circus, you're not a circus leader, there is NO reason for you to tame your dream as if you belonged in a circus.
Dream big. The bigger the better. When you dream bigger than you that means you are capable of envisioning that form of success.
This is a saying of the ages that couldn't be more true.
What doesn't bring you happiness or joy but instead pain or suffering definitely brings you wisdom.
I was texting a friend of mine the other day and we had this really motivational conversation and he said something along the lines of this, what doesn't bring us happiness brings us wisdom referring to our different family issues.
Everything we go through good or bad, but mostly bad is for our own learning experience and for us to grow as a person. We can't grow in faith or within ourselves if we don't face any inner turmoil or agony. We learn the most about our strengths when we hit rock bottom, sometimes it's good and completely neccasry for us to hit rock bottom so we can have a self discovery moment.
I know since I've been in Oxford or alone I've hit rock bottom a few times whether it was from dating to school to life in general. I would always be so closed minded that I would think it was literally the end of the world as I knew it. Little did I know all those experiences of loosing things would bring me to where and who I am today.
I look back at the past few years and the self transformation I have undergone has been immense. I don't even recognize the girl I was. I always had the potential of being who I am now, but I wouldn't have become even more positive and uplifting if I hadn't had my self doubt moments. The moments where I literally felt that all sides of me were crumbling at my feet.
People look at me and and ask how I am the way I am so positive. They look at me and they are so intimidated because of how I project myself and how I exude self-confidence. Never mistake self-confidence for arrogance. They are completely different and separate. But I am just normal. I am no better than you, you are no better than me. We are all equals. You may have more material items than me or I may have more material items than you, but I would never degrade or make anyone feel less or infer to me. That"s something we all need to learn. You are not defined by what you carry on the outside but rather how you carry yourself within. Material items come and go so fast y'all have no idea. You can have it one day and the next it's gone. Never attach yourself to material things, never give them more value than to someone else.
I've had moments of doubts and self-concious thoughts of my body and someone new and now every special told me that yes, beauty on the outside is important to an extent but true beauty is from within. Those words literally hit me like a bullet because that's what I've been longing, rather searching to hear.
I guess the point of this post is this,
Not everything we do in life will bring us happiness, not everything can and will go right for us. Sometimes what we want to go right the most is the one thing that has to go the worst way for us to truly see who we are.
I propose this, take some time from your day today and just think of all the stuff you wished happened that didn't happen. How that made you feel at that time and how it makes you feel at this very instant. You will see how much you've grown.
What does it mean to feed your soul and not your Ego?
What does it mean to feed your soul?
These are the questions we need to sit back and ask ourselves.
We all tend to be a little ego-stiscial. It's inevitable we're all human.
TodayI challenge you to do something that you love. The feeds your soul. Do something you're not sooo good at. Do something where you have to let go of your pride for just a second. That is when you feed your soul and not your ego.
As much as I give Oxford crap sometimes for sucking and being so small I truly am glad I've gotten to spend the time I have here.
Friday night I went out with a friend and we went to The Coop. It's the roof top bar and restaurant here in Oxford that overlooks our Square which is our downtown. We got there around 7:15 P.M. it was still so sunny and absolutely beautiful. Looking down at the town you could see life being lived and obviously at the restaurant/bar where we were at. There was a wedding party for goodness sake... how much living life is that?
We both ordered a drink, I got my usual vodka water, extra lime and my friend got makers on the rocks or makers neat. We had a long conversation about life in general what makes us who we are with of course the added laughter from my part since I am a bit of a jokester (I pride on making myself and others laugh).
I realized that for the past few months I had been looking at Oxford all wrong. Thinking it was more of a curse that all my friends had come and gone and that I was just there alone. I took all of the good times for granted and definitely all the bad times as misery and not as for what they were, building blocks for lessons.
As the sun was slowly started to set I realized yes, my time in Oxford needs to end, that I am ready for a new, fresh start in a big city that I am so in love with, Nashville. But also how much of a person I've grown.
I came here when I was 20. It was the first time in my whole life that I had ever been alone. I learned how to self relay on myself and how much strength and power I had. I think the day I leave Oxford, a little piece of me will always remain here thinking of the good, the bad and the sorrowful times but I know that I needed to be here for my transitional period.
Isn't that what college is all about? To find who you are and what your made of?
Thank Oxford Summer nights for reminding me what I am made of and what has changed and continues to change.
My heart is heavy today thinking of what happened in Dallas last night.
What a complete devastation that took place in one of the leading cities of the South. A city full of life, joy and opportunity.
Praying for peace, for strength.
Playing for the friends and families of those affected, hurt, wounded and taken before their time by this protest.
Praying for the when kindness and love overpowers violence and harm.
We are all united as one in this country. Home of the free, land of the brave. Since when do we act out of anger and deceit?
We may be all different, but we are all free. Our forefathers fought for this right. Why do we have the power to make a mockery of them and of what they fought so hard for to do because we are egotistical creatures and want it our way nothing or no one matters,
We all get discouraged with ourselves when things don't come to us in a timely manner.
We have to realize that sometimes we're not working on our own time, we're working on a higher power's time.
Everything great takes time. Whether it's learning how to ride a bike, or studying for your chosen career path. We all have steps and a process that we need to take before we can get there. We just have to be okay with that process and trust in ourselves and the time it takes us to achieve it.
Don't get discouraged if you see things you want are taking longer to develop than you had planned for. Everything great and meaningful needs time to develop. Just go with the flow and ride the wave out. It'll be worth it in the end.
This is something that is really near and dear to my heart that I had to learn and deal with over the past year or so now.
Sometimes we hold others accountable for too much. We give them too much and we except way more from them in return. This goes with friends, family and even relationships.
When we expect too much from others we are setting our own selves into a trap... quite frankly failure.
You except your family to love you. You except for them to take care of you, to help you.
You except your friends to love you. You except for them to take care of you, to help you.
You except your boyfriend/girlfriend to love you. You except for them to take care of you, to help you.
The reality of things is no one is expected to do anything for you. How can you rely and put your complete faith and trust into someone else's hands? You can't. You have to trust and rely on yourself first.
Putting your inner-self, your highest being first letting that be your crutch and your ultimate support. You, yourself will never let you down no matter how hard you try to do so. You may not complete a goal but you will never sacrifice yourself and self depreciate yourself in vein.
Here's a basic example:
Take any type of seed, it can be a flower, vegetable or fruit. If you plant this seed thinking and expecting for it to bloom and blossom your wrong. I know that sounds crazy. It won't bloom without you watering it, feeding it nutrients... basically giving it love and respect. When you do that you are sharing your love and that love has power. It has a vibration to it. We don't see it, but it's there. If you don't do that that seed of whatever sort will give you nothing in return and will eventually wilt and die.
This example is a representation of family, friendships and relationships. You can't go in just expecting for it to blossom. It's not a one way street. You can give your relations love, implementing respect and admiration but if they give you nothing in return it will eventually dry up and die out.
You have to realize that no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone else. What you give out it needs to be received and met fully not halfway.
As some of you know, I'm from the Emerald Coast... but as most of you also know, I'm currently living in the smallest town known to mankind (not really but let me exaggerate just this once) which is Oxford, MS.
Every time I go home to Destin lately, I come back to Oxford with a new mental outlook, kind of like I have an "ah ha" moment or an epifpany than anything else.
Since I've lived in Oxford, I try to go home always for the 4th of July. But my home isn't really a home anymore. Too many changes and family stuff to even call it a home.
If anything it was more my fault for trying to escape Oxford and trying to be happy for once in Destin. But like I said in my T.O.D.A.Y. post, you create your own form of happiness and you should never avoid your problems... even if you have zero friends in Oxford because you realize all your old friends suck and choose to go with an ex when technically you have known these friends way longer (end of rant 1.).
Listen to me carefully and closely when I say there is no more loyalty among friends, I'll go even as far to say that there is no loyalty among families (I only say that from personal experience with my own extended family). Everyone is truly either way too self-absorbed or too focused on their own self-betterment. They could care less for you. You honestly become a bother and to put it frank, a pain in their ass.
I left Oxford Thursday June 30th with an open heart. I was going to Destin going to stay the night at one of my close friends house and then the rest of the time I was going to stay in PCB with another friend.
Here's the thing y'all. If you don't know me, I'm an extreme planner.
I like to know where I'm staying, when I'm staying. I want you to know the time I get there, when I leave to get there because I don't want any room for error. Especially when I don't have "family" to relay on anymore when I go to Destin and when it's also a 7.5 hour drive.
I made plans with my good friend since Memorial Day weekend. I asked if I could stay for a night which was no problem, not an issue (rant 2. that ended up hurting my feelings even more). I re-ask the Monday before leaving Oxford on Thursday if it's okay to stay, because I don't, truly want to be a bother to anyone. I let people bother me all the time and I don't say or do anything about it, but I hate to be a bother or an inconvenience to people. I could tell there was hesitation from the start with me staying.
Learn this lesson, when people want to help you, truly help you in any situation, they will do it right away.
They won't put you on the back burner and make you wait and not respond to you. Honesty is better than hesitation. People respect honesty. People do not respect and get their feelings hurt when there's doubt. So I took the hesitation as a sign and I made a back up plan for the night. which I indeed had to use. Because two hours out of Destin I get a text saying "do you mind staying with so and so. and you probably won't see be tonight because I have $-1.00 in my account"
No joke or lies when I tell you how infuriated, frustrated and really upset that made me. If you didn't want me to stay just say "no" especially when I gave the opportunity and chance to say no to. Secondly, you don't need money to see friends, especially if a friend is offering to take you somewhere. But I respected the ultimate decision and moved on. Even though I was extremely butt hurt. I just wanted to see my friend!
Here's another lesson, people never assume you're smarter than what you are.
Which that's a good thing. Let them think you're stupid. And for some reason I always get underestimated because on the outside I carry myself as a gentle, soft spoken person who doesn't really speak, I just listen and observe.
You're best tactic in life y'all is to speak less than you know. There no room for error there and never speak from anger or frustration. Let things simmer before responding because you don't want to loose a friendship over being angry or friends being in a honeymoon stage of a relationship.
Friday went like a blur, I did my own thing, went to the the beach, did a little shopping at the Commons until it was time to go to Panama City Beach.
I only ended up staying in PCB for a night... instead of the remainder of the weekend like I had intended on.
I kid you not, that by this point none of my bags were unpacked all my hanging clothes remained in my car I just wanted to get my happy little butt in my car and drive back to Oxford. There's only so much negative emotion/pain/hurt someone can take and at this point I was already almost maxed out.
I'd think to myself,
"Why is all of this happening to me? Was I not supposed to come here...? If I had known this I would have just remained in Oxford. Or heck, in 30A or Niceville with a sweet friend who did let me stay."
But I know that everything happens for a reason and the little obstacles we face or not in vein and for our own good and learning purposes.
I obviously was not done learning.
One thing I had to learn this trip is "choices" we all have the power to make choices in life. To go left or right, up or down. Each thing we choose has its own repercussions, advantages and disadvantages. The second lesson is to be okay in your own skin.
Saturday afternoon I went back to 30A had an amazing dinner at Local Catch with a friend and ran into an old friend/neighbor from elementary school. Finally thought my trip can only go up from here!
Oh Universe, how you have a way of showing yourself and making us stronger individuals by presenting us with yet again another choice.
I got a text from someone I knew back in Mississippi saying to come there for the 4th. Well, by this point I had no idea what we... I, was going to be doing for the 4th... it was looking like I'd be spending it alone as well and that was not okay in my book, I didn't have to travel 7.5 hours to be alone on the 4th. So after much thought and debating I took this person up on the offer to go to Starkville Sunday-Monday. Definitely thinking there's no way it could get any worse or even if it does I'm only an hour and a half outside of Oxford. I can go home anytime.
Sunday was nice. It was an extremely relaxing night. It was fun. Like a fun I hadn't had in a while. But remember, if the story stopped there, I wouldn't have learned the second most important lesson which is being okay with who you are.
I don't think I had felt as bad as I felt July 4th as I did on Spring Break. At least words were exchanged on Spring Break, "that I wasn't good enough." In this scenario I just had to assume based on the actions and little words that weren't spoken.
We all decided to go and spend the 4th at the pool in some apartment complex in Starkville. The first place was Heaven 12 (turns out I had a friend that lived there and had no idea until late Monday night).
Thankfully, I'm a confidenet person and I do like to talk to people and I think I'm really easy to talk to and to get to know so I started engaging in small talk with the girls in the group.
They were all very sweet and kind. I got pulled aside by one of them and we just hit it off. She was so incredibly sweet making me feel completely okay with leaving Destin and going some place where I didn't know a single person in that group except for the one who invited me (by the way completely ignored me the whole time). It kinda was like "why the hell did I leave my friends for this?" scenario. I get told that I'm in the most judgmental group ever (when it comes to appearance) which kinda took me aback for a few seconds because I've learned over time to not judge others.
I will tell you this right now, I'm not a size 1-4 I have curves. I have the typical Spanish body but for some time now I have been struggling with my weight (I used to be a certain size, a size that I've been my whole life that I loved and was extremely comfortable and confident in) because of a hereditary health issue. My mom had thyroid cancer around my age and for two years now my hormones have been a little irregular causing me to gain some weight (I'm not an whale by any means but still not used to how I look either) and making it extremely hard and a slow frustrating process to loose the weight.
If the person I was with was kinda ashamed, imagine how I felt knowing how I used to look like. When I heard that I was being judged by my appearance it took everything I had to not want to get up, leave and just head back. But I stayed. Probably making a complete fool of myself. The 3rd lessons is sometimes people are placed into your life as a mirror for yourself or for their own-self.
Obviously what I'm doing at the gym isn't enough. Even though I have been busting my butt.
I'm thankful for all these experiences because I have come back to Oxford with a new mental outlook. I was already guarded before and now I am even more. But I will not allow myself to feel defeated by this trip.
I know who I am.
I am Nathalie Barreto.
I am okay with who I am.
I don't want to be around those who are getting judged by having me there nor by those who judge based on appearance than just getting to know who I am as a person and an individual.
Lesson 5, Never allow for someone to make you feel inferior to the rest, or second best.
You are always and will be first best no matter what.
I hope you all had a memorable July 4th weekend, mine surely was. But I know next year I will look back on this experience and laugh. Because by then I will be even more confident in my OWN skin.
Lesson 6, you can change your appearance all you want to, but what's more important is who you are and how you carry yourself.
It takes a lot of self-acknowledgement, self-awareness and self-love to truly love who you are no matter what obstacles have come your way or how people view you. As long as you view yourself with the highest respect and esteem, to hell with rest of them.
You are amazing and you lack nothing.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.